I got chris browned last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize