i jhust puked up my retainher.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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