would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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