How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
