So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
