My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
