3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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