I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
