Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Nobody cheats on THIS.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
