You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
