May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
