Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
