I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
