Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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