i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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