I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize