He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
