You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
