Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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