i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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