So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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