Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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