dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
