You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
