So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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