You can't special order awesome
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
