You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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