I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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