hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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