We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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