I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
