i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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