I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize