One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's the barista slut.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
