i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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