Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
