We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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