once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
