you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
