My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
