You just made me feel so damn special
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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