we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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