last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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