I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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