I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
