My room smells like vodka and shame
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
