I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
