My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
