If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
