you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he was CRYING into my vagina
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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