I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
50% drunk capacity currently
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm really busy with my period
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