I feel like I'm in dance class right now
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
