even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
