Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
