Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
