I met the friendliest cop last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fuck appropriateness.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
