I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
