I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Vodka?
Forever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
