Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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