did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
