Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
