Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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