just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
