You can't motorboat a personality
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
